Being a missionary is neither easy nor comfortable and requires a tremendous amount of emotional stamina. A lot of people have shared with me their envy of the adventures that I’ve been on not realizing the crushing loneliness of forging a new life in a foreign country.
It’s uncomfortable and difficult in that your life is not your own. You give up any personal desire you might have for a cause that is incredibly all enveloping. I am not saying it’s not worth it but it is a huge commitment. It’s uncomfortable constantly relying on others for your daily sustenance and it’s uncomfortable being in a constant state of transition. I don’t always get to know where I am going next, and most certainly not where I am going to stay.
But most difficult thing for me has to do with relationships. It’s not easy to decided to leave friends and family behind for an undetermined period of time. And I think it might be even more acute in my case in that I most decidedly do not have a significant other with whom to share experiences. I consider myself to be a very personable person but it really does get wearisome to go through the getting-to-know you phase umpteen times a week. Making new friends isn’t difficult for me but not ever getting to have old friends around is.
I think what best sums up what I want to say is the old proverb “be careful what you wish for.” life for me is not all sunshine and roses.
5 responses so far ↓
1 nathan // May 9, 2008 at 4:20 EDT
I hurt for you, man. I know what you’re feeling - in some sort of extension type way.
I pray that you find more than joy out there. –But also that God finds you in the lonely experiences, as you’ve dedicated yourself to his will.
peace,
nathan
2 Brian // May 9, 2008 at 5:05 EDT
Hey Jamie!
Dude I feel your loneliness I am having the same thing here. No one is around and work is just about all I have. Hang in there and keep your head up.
3 Beth // May 10, 2008 at 18:29 EDT
I’ll be praying for you, Jamie. Thanks for voicing your thoughts. They are good to hear, and I entirely agree. And while part of me would trade places with you in an instant, the other part knows how difficult it is, and is amazed at the work of God in your life to bring you to the places you have been. I pray God’s blessings upon you, and that he might bring some of the old friends around again.
4 abuela // May 12, 2008 at 4:37 EDT
I’m glad that things change and trust that you will experince some changes that will dull the pain of loneliness in your life. I’m sure there is light at the end of the tunnel, I just don’t know the length of the tunnel. I’ll bring this issue to the Father, He’s in the “change things” business.
5 Adelynne // Aug 23, 2008 at 13:56 EDT
Hie Jamie,
I came over from Kirsten’s site at missionarygirl.org. I read this post and I wanted to comment because I have a desire to be a missionary… though my mom thinks I’m crazy and that I shouldn’t. Thank you for sharing with me the struggles that you go through as a missionary! It opens up my eyes. I hope that things get better for you even though it looks like they won’t. God bless you, sir!
Addy